why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You are a genius and a whore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
