There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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