If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
