lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you never un-have a 4some
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
