.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
