First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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