Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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