ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
