My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
