i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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