Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
