mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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