Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
