It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
