Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Panties = found
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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