I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
