i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
