Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
