you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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