There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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