I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the day after is always just damage control
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
