Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
