Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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