the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
