Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize