your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
