i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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