This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
