I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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