You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
