help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
