i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
