Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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