someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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