Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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