OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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