If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
