This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
