i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
