i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
