I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
as a side note pls kill me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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