she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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