So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
