It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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