so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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