oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
