He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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