i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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