naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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