I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
