After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Shame is for Republicans.
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