he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
