i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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