He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
