seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
