Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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