and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
