Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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