you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
