Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
