Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
