i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
