I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
