just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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