I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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