My first STD was from a foam party
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
