Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
