Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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