toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
