Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
