I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
