help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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