He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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