omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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